The REAL SECRET To A Happy Thanksgiving? Embracing The Chaos

When your mom tells you that the whole family is coming for Thanksgiving, what is your first reaction? Do you mentally have to prepare for that? Does it make your stomach drop? No one's family is perfect. Most holiday gatherings are chaotic and can drain you mentally and emotionally, but gathering together (in the right circumstances) can heal things you didn't think needed healed.

Envision this setting...

It’s Thanksgiving, and your mom calls to tell you everyone is coming over. At first, you think she’s joking; you’d planned on a small, manageable dinner with just your parents and maybe your sister. But when you arrive, you realize she's serious. The driveway is absolutely packed with cars—everybody’s here.

As you step in, your cousin Brian is the first to greet you. His huge, bear hug nearly squeezes the air out of you. Brian's always been a bit of a character—the loud, a little too enthusiastic, family storyteller. And you know he’s going to keep telling those high school football stories he loves to share, each one growing a little more exaggerated every year.

And there’s Aunt Carol in the kitchen, fussing over the food and bustling around with her “thoughtful” advice that just leaves you feeling majorly judged. She’s the type who’ll say she misses everyone, but within five minutes she’s talking about “priorities” and how you should “call your family more.” She’s full of opinions, and you know she’ll make sure you hear all of them before the night is over.

Your sister Megan and her husband, Rob, are sitting in the living room. They’re like the “Instagram couple” of the family—their lives seem effortlessly perfect, from the curated vacations to their coordinated outfits. You brace yourself, knowing they’ll probably whip out their phones to scroll through their latest vacation pics, and that you’re expected to “ooh” and “ahh” over their flawless life.

Then you see Grandma, who’s grown a little more stubborn with age. She’s already muttering about how “nobody knows how to appreciate things these days,” and you know she’ll soon start reminiscing about the good old days, when “people actually had conversations” instead of “staring at screens.”

By the time dinner is served, you’re ready for a family marathon to become a sprint—you’re thinking about how soon you can make a polite exit. As everyone finally sits down, you glance around the table, dreading the quirks you’ll have to grin through.

And that’s when it happens: a shift, subtle but real. Grandma suddenly starts laughing. Like, genuinely laughing, and it’s contagious. Brian was telling one of his tall tales, and for whatever reason, it got her going. Her laughter cuts through the usual noise, and everyone stops to watch her. Even Aunt Carol lets her guard down, chuckling and shaking her head at Brian. “You’re too much, Brian,” she says, but there’s warmth in her voice.

One by one, everyone joins in, adding their own little stories, each one a light-hearted dig at each other’s quirks. Brian teases Aunt Carol about lecturing him on his grades as a kid, and Aunt Carol laughs, saying, “You didn’t study enough then and you still don’t listen now!” Megan confesses how Grandma’s cooking tips have saved her more times than she’d admit. Even Rob, the golden son-in-law, chimes in, admitting he always felt a little intimidated by Grandma's high standards.

It dawns on you, then and there, that all these “quirks” you’d been bracing yourself against are actually just the way each person expresses their love. Brian’s loudness? His way of bringing everyone together, of not letting there be a dull moment. Aunt Carol’s advice? Sure, it’s a bit much, but it’s her way of feeling useful, like she’s guiding everyone in some small way. Grandma’s stubbornness? She cares so much, she’s holding onto the values she’s tried to pass down. And Megan’s perfect life? Maybe she just wants to feel like she has something to share, a bit of happiness for everyone else.

For the first time that night, you relax. You let go of the tension, the judgment, and just…join in. Laughing, sharing, even listening to Brian’s wild tales. The little annoyances melt away, and you realize that Thanksgiving isn’t about perfect harmony or everyone getting along effortlessly. It’s about coming together, quirks and all, to appreciate the family you have.

So here’s to Thanksgiving everyone- where the quirks, annoyances, and downright awkwardness aren’t obstacles but the very things that make it feel like home. And sitting at that table, surrounded by the chaos and love of family, you find yourself unexpectedly grateful.

I know not everyone gets to have a big family get together, but I wish you a very happy Thanksgiving. Reach out to your friends and neighbors so that everyone knows there is some place that they can go, some place that they are welcome. ♥